did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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