i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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