You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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