I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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