A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
