Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Damn victory sex feels great
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
