Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
