the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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