I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
