Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
