woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
