he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
