i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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