if you like me you must not know who I am
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
