I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
