if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
