I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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