dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
