Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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