Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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