I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
