Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
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Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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