Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
