Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we're making bets on your personal life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
