I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
