So drunk its hurt
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
