I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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