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her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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