I just cut my nipple shaving
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
