He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
