first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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