You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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