I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
