just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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