Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
