Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
