So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
