is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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