Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize