She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
