have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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