he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
