FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
