my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
