I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
