You're my little dorito
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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