Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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