Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
