we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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