go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
