woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
