so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
