if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
