Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
