Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
