I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
