Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i drank out of a bidet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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