I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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