I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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