I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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