the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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