my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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