I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize