I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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