just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
